So the day started with Jacob waking up coughing and wheezing with a 104 fever. Super. Then Owen up and I could tell he was in a bad mood. When we tried getting his coat and hat on to get him ready for school all hell broke loose. Thankfully Jamie was still home to help and my sister Kim was here for the day too. Kim stayed in the kitchen to snuggle sick Jacob while Jamie and I tried everything to calm Owen down and get him out the door as his ride was here. He was hysterical, screaming at the top of his lungs, we physically could not have put his coat on if we wanted to. So we told his ride to leave and that Jamie would take him. So we finally got Owen calmed down and buckled into Jamie's truck. They took off for school and Kim, Jacob and I got in my car and drove to Froedert for my radiation.
Kim and Jacob just dropped me off at the front door and I ran inside so we didn't have to spread Jacbob's germs around and as I was waiting to be called back I got a call from Jamie. I answered and heard a a few seconds of silence which is never a good sign and then Jamie's broken voice saying through tears that he was at school and Owen was refusing to go inside and he didn't know what to do. I guess they made it half way up the stairs outside before Owen started freaking out again. There was nothing he could do to get him inside. Teachers came out to help, Jamie started crying on the steps right along with Owen, it was a mess. My heart just broke. It sucks that this is even happening, sucks that Owen has been under so much stress that it has really affected him, sucks that Jamie already has so much on his plate that he has to deal with this school stuff too, sucks that I Owen's mom can't be there because I am in the stupid CANCER clinic waiting for radiation instead of helping my child. Agh, this morning just SUCKED! I felt so bad for Owen who is just struggling to transition back to school. Yesterday was SO good, why was today SO bad! I feel bad for Jamie who is taking such great care of me, stressing and worrying about my health, Owen's health, dealing with Jacob's attitude when I lose patience AND working around the clock to keep up with work. I feel bad that we have to second guess everything that Owen does. Is he testing his limits or is he scared to go back to school because he feels off? The last time he did something like this he ended up having a big seizure and we realized that was why he was so afraid to go to school, because he could sense it coming and didn't want to be away from us.
So really, how the hell are we supposed to know what to do in these situations? He HAS to go to school but what if he really doesn't feel right? It's SO hard, I can't even begin to tell you but picturing Jamie breaking down and crying in front of the teachers and other moms in front of the school this morning should give you a little idea of just how much some of this sucks right now. Then at bedtime, Owen usually goes to bed just fine, we read books, I rub his butt for five minutes and then I leave while he is still awake and he falls right asleep. Well the last few nights he has been crying when I leave. Tonight he started crying and screaming at the top of his lungs. Jamie had just gotten home from work and I just sat down and started crying and Jamie went into Owen's room and got him to fall asleep. I just wish I knew why Owen was acting like this. I feel so bad that he is so off, is it the stress of this all? Is he just testing his limits? Is he feeling weird from all of his mediciation or does he sense there is something wrong with me and that is why he doesn't want to be away from me? Either way, no matter what the answer is I don't like it. I just wish for normalcy, a schedule, a routine and it just doesn't seem that it's coming anytime soon.
Now Jacob is sick. I have never seen him so pathetic. He had a fever of 103 ALL day and fell asleep sitting on the couch TWICE today, he had never done that in his LIFE! So tomorrow instead of both boys being at daycare/school all day Jacob will be home sick and HOPEFULLY Owen will go to school! I had a doctor's appointment that was supposed to be Thursday that was now switched to tomorrow at 9:10 which means tomorrow I will be leaving sick Jacob at home with my friend Jen who will be with me for the day. Jamie will be staying home in the morning so that him and I can take Owen to school together at 8:50 for speech therapy and pray the drop off goes well because we will then have to RACE to Froedert so I can make my 9:10 doctor appointment. Jamie will just be dropping me off and then racing into work himself and I will be at Froedert for the doctor appointment and radiation and then my friend Christen is picking me up and driving my home. So much to coordinate, I just want to be able to focus on Owen and getting him back to school but it will be so rushed. Agh!
This was just such a stupid and exhausting day. I know tomorrow will be better, I can't imagine it being worse, yikes, that would really suck. Just felt like today was a little much, a little too much shit piled on top of a lot of SHIT that was already on my plate.
Today was NOT a good day for my sister to bring over the Girl Scout cookies. Those Peanut Butter Patties didn't even know what hit them.
Alright, I am going to bed and waking up tomorrow to a better day! I know this!
A rare photo of the boys sitting close enough to touch each other without anyone shoving or pushing. This should be a collectors edition it's so rare to see this!
and a few photos that sum up my feelings towards today!